the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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