There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
