she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vodka?
Forever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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