I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
