I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
