You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
