They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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