I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
