The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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