Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
