A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
