How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
