I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
