North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
