i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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