So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
