Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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