he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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