everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
