That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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