i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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