R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
