she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
