carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
