are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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