if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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