Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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