I accidentally had phone sex last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
