Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
