Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need a sexual gate keeper
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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