he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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