Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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