The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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