If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we made out on top of his cat.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
