I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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