now i know why i became what i already was.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
soo... how was my night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
