4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
