So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
