dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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