He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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