I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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