so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
