Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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