That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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