thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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