Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
