five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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