So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
