I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
