so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
