ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
