I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
