That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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