I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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