My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
please come you make the beer taste better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
