The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I color on your dick again?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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