i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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