Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
