No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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