Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
