I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
