Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
