I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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