super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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