I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize