ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
