Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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