Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
