You really coming over, don't trick.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
