We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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