Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
