dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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