Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
