you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
