Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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