I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
