I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
